Week 12. In-Laws, Get Your In-Laws right here

So, the majority of the study material this week was the fact that when you get married, you are not only getting married to your spouse, but also his/her family. The in-laws you inherit will most likely not be “exactly” like the family you grew up in. They will generally do things differently than you ever imagined, and if you let this get to you, your life will be quite difficult.

There are a good number of songs about in-laws, and the positives and negatives of them. The original song I found about mothers-in-law is by Ernie K. Doe. The song is titled “Mother-in-law.” With classic lines such as “Satan should be her name, to me they’re about he same,” (Doe,1961), we can see that Mr. Doe had a great “love” for his mother-in-law. From not leaving the couple alone to asking how much money was being earned, the “devil” described seems bad, to say the least.

So, perhaps we should focus on other aspects, rather than hatred. In a comedic manner, Jaron and the Long Road to Love share their “true” feelings about how he feels about someone. He says that he’ll pray that “their brakes go out in your car” and “a pot falls out a window and hits you in the head,” to name a few “ways he cares.” Again, purely comedic, but shows that prayer is not always done for the right reasons. (J., 2010).

While both myself and my husband were raised differently, we came from completely opposite backgrounds. He was raised in the Church. I rarely even attended any church growing up. He was raised to not fight or cuss, while I was raised to curse like a sailor. His family lived in the same house while the kids were raised, mine moved about 15 times! My parents both worked low-income jobs, while his father was a government attorney. Differing backgrounds and differing opinions because of it.

We love each other, but our families do collide. My husband was raised to save everything, while I was raised to live paycheck to paycheck. His dad always made sure they had roast beef every Sunday and ate out about once a week. We rarely ate out in my household, unless it was to do with mom or dad bringing something home for us to eat from their jobs.

While life can change us, we become one when we marry. And that also means one with our in-laws, no matter how well we enjoy them or not. I love my in-laws, but they have a different style of living than I am used to.

REFERENCES

References

and the Long Road to Love, J. (2010). Pray For You [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA

Doe, E. K. (2014). MOTHER IN LAW (1961) [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EN5eJf5h_k

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Week 11. Becoming One….Forever.

Yes, I am a music person. I enjoy music from all genres and tend to include them in everything I do. So, for this week’s topic, being “becoming one,” I found tons of music that directly applied. Hopefully, some of these will hit tones in your own hearts as you read on.

When we get married, we put away our “single” life and enter into a “bond of holy matrimony.” When we do this, sometimes our lives change entirely.

When we are single, sometimes it truly feels like we have the world at our fingertips. When we choose to become married, though, we “put off the natrual man (or woman).” This means no longer acting like Nelly Furtado and “flying away like a bird.” (Furtado, 1). We also need to “buckle down” and stop acting childish, like Britney Spears in My Prerogative. (Spears, 1).

So, we get married, we begin our lives together. what does it mean to “become one?” I believe the members of U2, Bono and company were wondering the same thing when they wrote “One.” In this song, a man goes over all the possible wrongs in his life with his loved one. And, how little seemed to be given back. A small quote from the lasst verse goes as follows:

“Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head” (U2, 1)

While this seems a bit sacreligious, and is a bit, it tells that we should be as involved with our marriage as Christ was with His teachings and life.

So, why should we try? Is it always just “for our benefit?” Celine Dion shows us clearly that everyone still needs that “gentle push” to “show how much you are cared for” no matter what happens in life. (Dion, 1).

Collin Raye also describes what it would be like to not have someone to “help.” In his song, In This Life, he describes how beforehand he was “imprisoned by the power of gold” and that “without your love I would be lost.” Showing how much better the “non-single” life really is.

So, what do we do now? We have appreciated our loved one, seen how important they are in our lives. A comedic way to look on this way of living is Sugarland’s Stuck Like Glue, because “you and me baby, we’re stuck like glue.” This glue is the glue of eternal life though, and without this glue, put together on earth, the life afterwards would cease to exist in its greatest glory.

REFERENCES

References

Britney Spears. (1988). My Prerogative (Official Video) [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIOH8Trfas4

Clapton, E. (2009). Wonderful Tonight (Official Live Video). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUSzL2leaFM

Dion, C. (2011). Because You Loved Me (Live) [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDcuRgk-JEI

Furtado, N. (2009, June 16). I’m Like A Bird (Official Music Video). Retrieved March 25, 2020, from YouTube website: https://youtu.be/roPQ_M3yJTA

Mosiah 3:19. (n.d.). Retrieved March 25, 2020, from http://www.churchofjesuschrist.org website: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3?lang=eng

Raye, C. (2009). In This Life [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCVo_69Gv4w

Sugarland. (2010). Stuck Like Glue (Official Video) [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iDPw_qjhtM

U2. (2009). One. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftjEcrrf7r0

Week 10. “Last night….you were unhinged. You were like some desperate howling demon. You frightened me. Do it Again.” (Quotes For Bros,1).

This week’s topics are about sexual intimacy in marriage. What is sexual stewardship? This means that a husband and wife should do everything in their power to please their partner sexually during their marriage. But, how do we learn what to do prior to marriage? God wants us to be happy, both physically, and emotionally when we are married. That is why He wanted us to “save ourselves for marriage” with “our eternal companion”. He wanted us to be able to share the “most rewarding of rewards” in this life with our true mate. By learning how to please our partner sexually, we are in turn, showing true love for him or her. (Brotherson,1).

In the church, we are taught chastity from day one. We are taught to not experiment sexually prior to marriage. But, little is discussed about what to do after marriage. We are not simply to “ignore” our “desires” and “become inanimate objects a few times a year”. We are to help our partners with their fantasies and help them fulfill those together. While this does not condone sharing our partners with other people, as this would be a true break from the law of chastity and also truly adultery, sharing our partner with ourselves is indeed a prophetic request.

President Spencer W. Kimball taught that “sex is viewed as ‘taboo’ for many people.” While this seems to steer us away from sex, he taught that in the comforts of our own home with our eternal companion, we can gain no greater joy than to do so with our partner. (Kimball, 311).

President Kimball was the prophet well before I learned about the church, but sexual terms were becoming normalcy back in the 70’s and 80’s. This was after the “free love” reign during “Woodstock” and other “festivals” showing that men and women should “embrace themselves” and “enjoy each other.” While these teachings were correct, sharing themselves with others was not the main goal.

In my marriage, as we began dating, we discussed not to incorporate pornography into our marriage. While we wanted to learn and grow together, showing other men or women doing things we had discussed was something we both accepted as not something we would do. My husband thanks me for helping come to this agreement as he had problems in previous relationships due to the use of pornography. I am thankful that God gave me the chance to help Him by showing my husband-to-be the proper path to follow.

References

Bros, Q. F. (2015, June 9). The 32 Dirty Quotes of all Time. Retrieved March 17, 2020, from Quotes For Bros website: http://www.quotesforbros.com/sexy-dirty-quotes/

Brotherson, S. (2003). Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage. Retrieved March 17, 2020, from http://www.familylifeeducation.org website: http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Stewardship.htm

President Spencer W. Kimball, Intimacy in Marriage and The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 311‌

Week 9. “Our intent will not be to create gridlock. Oh, except maybe from time to time.” (Dole, 1).

So, what is gridlock? There are many definitions, but politically, and even in marriage, gridlock is a way of stopping anything from happening by refusing to focus on someone’s cares and dreams. When Congress is in a “gridlock,” they refuse to work together and little gets done. When a couple is in a gridlock, they create fictional walls around them to defend against the peace and joy of the other partner. (Lisitsa, 2012).

So, how do we help each other in our marriages and help us to care more for our spouses and not simply ignore them? A start is to realize that not all problems are entirely solvable. As we see that a problem happens, sometimes both people are at odds for ways to solve the problem and are not willing to budge in any way for the other person. When we realize that sometimes it is simply okay to “agree to disagree” that makes it work on occasion.

Next, we should share our thoughts and dreams with our loved one. As we open up to what we truly want, without causing contention, we can discuss possible ways to accomplish those dreams. As we go through the process, we should also help soothe and comfort our partner to help relieve the stresses of life.

One of my four-year-old’s favorite words is “poop”. He says this word often and even says that some of his bath toys either “taste like apples” or “taste like poop,” depending on which end of the animal is placed near your mouth as you are bathing him. Gottman speaks in his book about “marital poop detectors.” What are these? When things “just don’t smell right” then we have “detected poop.” Like a fresh room where a dog has unloaded its bowels onto the floor, the scent that wafts through the air is impossible to ignore for many. But, if we as partners, choose to “help clean up the mess together” then the “poop will go down the drain.” (Lisitsa, 2014).

I am glad we have our lives to live and people around us who care so much. I am glad that Jesus Christ loved me enough to “clean up my poop” when I make a horrible mistake. Without Him, life truly would “stink”.

REFERENCES

Dole, B. (n.d.). TOP 25 GRIDLOCK QUOTES. Retrieved March 11, 2020, from A-Z Quotes website: https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/gridlock.html

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Lisitsa, E. (2012, July 7). Overcoming Gridlocked Conflict. Retrieved March 11, 2020, from The Gottman Institute website: https://www.gottman.com/blog/overcoming-gridlocked-conflict/

Lisitsa, E. (2014, March 27). Toddlers, Poop Detectors, and Choosing Your Battles. Retrieved March 11, 2020, from The Gottman Institute website: https://www.gottman.com/blog/toddlers-poop-detectors-and-choosing-your-battles/

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Week Eight. “Problems, Problems, Problems All Day Long.” (Everly, 1).

So, this week we’re talking about problems. Many problems exist in many ways. According to Gottman, close to 70 percent of problems within a relationship are perpetual. What does this mean? This means that many problems are not actual problems, but how the people choose to react to them that causes the bigger problem. The problem is caused by the “differences in personality” and not the problem itself. When these problems occur, they are quite difficult to resolve. (Fulwiler, 1). Why do we have so many problems?

“Problems? I don’t wanna hear about your damn problems. Everybody got problems! My mama got problems. She just lost her leg. My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle. My dog just threw up somebody’s finger. That’s a problem!” (Apatow, 1). Yes, everyone has problems, some greater than others. But, we do know that God will never give us any “temptations” or “problems” that we cannot handle. (1 Cor 10:13).

So, how do relationships usually start? Generally, the couple loves and cares for each other as if life depended upon it. A good example of showing this by music is Tammy Wynette’s song Stand By Your Man. (Wynette). Even though the man is not perfect, the woman does her best to stay by his side and assist him in all he does. There are possibly examples showing the man caring for the woman as well, but this proves the point.

So, what takes us from Tammy Wynette’s song to Kelly Clarkson’s song? In both cases, the couple love each other deeply. But, in Kelly’s song, the couple have decided, or at least the woman, to move on. She wants nothing but the best for her man, but wants him to be someone else’s man and not hers. (Clarkson).

Perhaps things are said that should not have been said. John Mayer shows this in his song My Stupid Mouth where he describes what could have caused an issue with his current relationship. Sometimes we do say things we don’t mean and regret those choices later. (Mayer).

Once we have gotten so deeply involved with the lack of caring in our relationships, we then resort to feeling the need to move on. We can choose to do it the way Kelly Clarkson did, in a kind and loving manner, or we can choose to be Beyoncé, in her song Irreplaceable. (Beyoncé). A good example of a man moving on, in a positive way is Timbaland’s song, featuring OneRepublic, called Apologize. (Timbaland).

So, how does God see it? He placed us here on earth to learn and grow. We were also to meet our Eternal Companion to continue our lives with after this life as well. If we did not have any problems, then how would we be able to create and maintain balance of our own spiritual children in the next life? How could we expect them to learn and grow if we ourselves have never learned or grown?

Music is a wonderful blessing we are given by our Father in Heaven. With it, so many feelings and unspoken words can be brought forth. For music I am always grateful. My husband is a movie person, and an old music person, but I myself, am a fan of music of all ages.

REFERENCES

Apatow, J. & Miller, J. (Producers), & McKay, A. (Director). (2006). Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Widescreen unrated ed. [Motion Picture]. Culver City, Calif.: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment.

Beyoncé. (2009). Beyoncé – Irreplaceable [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EwViQxSJJQ

Clarkson, K. (2009). Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone (Official Music Video) [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0T3WAbU6tg

Everly, D., & Everly, P. (2011). Everly Brothers – Problems (1958) [Long Version, High Quality Sound, Subtitled] [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRGCeM1enhw

Fulwiler, M. (2012, July 2). Managing Conflict: Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems. Retrieved March 4, 2020, from The Gottman Institute website: https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/

Line upon Line: 1 Corinthians 10:13. (n.d.). Retrieved March 4, 2020, from http://www.churchofjesuschrist.org website: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2017/02/line-upon-line-1-corinthians-10-13?lang=eng

Mayer, J. (2008). John Mayer – My Stupid Mouth [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSEYOpI985s

Timbaland ft. OneRepublic. (2009). Timbaland – Apologize ft. OneRepublic (Official Music Video). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSM3w1v-A_Y

Wynette, T. (2015). Tammy Wynette – Stand By Your Man (Audio) (Pseudo Video) [YouTube Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AM-b8P1yj9w‌

Week Seven. “Pride Goeth Before the Fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)

So, this week pride seemed to be one of the main topics of discussion. What is pride? Pride is simply thinking that you are better than someone else or perhaps more blessed than someone else due to what you have done. In many ways, this is truly not the case, as we all have our strengths and weaknesses. While living one commandment may be simple for us, and difficult for one of our neighbors, we also will have a commandment or two that we personally struggle with.

In my own life, I think of a young man named Nicholas who was investigating this church. Nicholas began investigating as my Ward does a meal in between both sessions of General Conference during the Saturday morning and afternoon sessions. This is a way to allow the members to meet, greet and associate while still getting to watch the conference. Nicholas happened to be walking near the church when we were having this event and came in. We greeted him and gave him food to eat. We found out that Nicholas was homeless and quite appreciative of the food. He stayed for the next session of conference and began to meet with the missionaries. A couple of weeks later, I saw Nicholas inside the Goodwill store close to my home. He remembered me from church and was excited about a T-shirt he had found. The shirt was only about a dollar but Nicholas did not have any money. I bought him the shirt and he immediately changed into it. The shirt was quite small but Nicholas loved it. He was very grateful.

Could I have just ignored Nicholas and let him go on. Or decided that I was better than him and that he put himself in this situation? Of course I could have. That way would be prideful and the classic idea of “the natural man.”

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord.” (Mosiah 3:19).

I try to live this scripture in my life and help anyone who needs my help, no matter how he or she has wronged me in the past. My husband occasionally questions my levels of assistance, but I feel the desire to help everyone I can, no matter how much. My husband sees things a bit differently than I do. While he wants to help people, he generally researches whether or not he feels that they need the help. If they recently were on drugs, for example, that becomes the excuse to not help them. If they are not followers of the law of chastity, that is another reason he doesn’t want to assist. In a way, I feel this is him being prideful.

He was raised in the church. His family brought him up to help others but to be careful so he didn’t get walked all over. He truly is a saint and does his best to help those he can. He doesn’t go to the level of personal sacrifice, but time alone, to help them. In a way, I feel a need to sacrifice to help others, as perhaps I have been “more blessed” than they have and want their lives to improve as well.

Sometimes when we get into arguments, my husband brings up the fact that things are the way they are because the church has said so. I question everything myself and do not always agree with him. He has a much stronger testimony than I do, I feel, but he does not push that information on me. He knows that we all will grow as we will grow and likes to compare life to “Jacob’s ladder” in Genesis. (Genesis 28). Basically, we are all going the same place, we just may be on a different rung than others. While this seems to be a very prideful outlook, I understand what he is saying.

My mother joined the church about a year ago. She joined because she felt the Spirit when hearing the good word about what would happen to my father in the next life as he hadn’t joined the church before he passed away. She actively attends church. She also doesn’t follow some of the commandments of the church and openly disobeys them. I get frustrated with her in doing this, but try to love her because she is still my mother. While I don’t agree with what she does, I do my best to encourage her to do better. My husband, on the other hand is much more critical of my mother.

He says she joined the church and should follow what the church teaches, not blatantly disregard it. (My husband speaks that way sometimes and I get a little upset as I don’t generally use big words in my everyday conversations). But, he quotes things he has heard throughout his life, especially scripture-related, which I also am not great at doing yet. Is he better than me? Of course not! But, he has learned more than I have in regards to the church. Again, we all have our ladder and climbing the same one to the same place. With regards to my mother, though, I tell him to stop talking badly about her, even though his intentions are good.

REFERENCES

Genesis 28. (n.d.). Retrieved February 26, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/gen/28?lang=eng

Mosiah 3. (n.d.). Retrieved February 26, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3?lang=eng

Proverbs 16. (n.d.). Retrieved February 26, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/ot/prov/16?lang=eng

Sixth Week. “I See Dead People.” (Sixth, 1)

Thinking about what to write about I had just finished watching the movie The Sixth Sense for the umpteenth time and the quote seemed to fit somewhat into what I will be writing to you about. Seeing and experiencing the dead should not be a scary thing, as it was in the movie, but should be a loving and caring experience, as the child eventually learned within the movie.

Why are we born? The simple answer is to be born, then live, then die and finally to either continue or to be dust, depending on the outlook a person has. Someone once said that the leading cause of death was birth. In reality, all who are born will one day die, as death is part of the Plan of Our Father in Heaven. The other part of the plan is to live and learn while on the earth. This involved choices being made from opportunities placed before us. (Preach, 1).

After we live, we die, whether at an old age, or right as we are born, we will all die. “As in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.” (1 Cor 15:22). We all will suffer death to some degree, whether in a lifelong health battle, or simply a “quick change” like those in the City of Enoch in the Old Testament. When we die, our Spirits will remain in the Spirit World, which is in actuality the earth, and allow us to preach and learn the gospel, depending on our personal knowledge.

So, when the actor in Sixth Sense sees dead people he is immediately frightened until he finds ways to help those who have passed on previously. In a way, doing our genealogy is a way to help our ancestors who have already died. We can, in a small way, see, feel, or even hear “dead people”.

When we have faith that these gospel principles are real, and that God’s plan was made for “each of us” and not simply “all of us,” it helps us to understand how much love our Savior has for us to be the key player in this plan, knowing that we, as humans, could not handle the pressure of relieving sin, the way Christ did for us in the Garden of Gethsemane. This short, although possibly long, prayer and suffering began the process, first for sin, and then for death, to help us grow.

I am personally glad that Jesus Christ loved me enough to suffer for my sins, personally. Without His aid, I know that I would not make it back to my Father in Heaven, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23). One mistake was enough to keep us out of the presence, let alone Kingdom, of Our Father in Heaven. Due to his extreme level of justice, He is forced to obey the law and not allow us to enter with even one sin. Christ made it possible for us to gain forgiveness of those sins, so we have the chance to enter into God’s presence, and if we choose, to stay within His presence.

I know God loves me and am grateful for the knowledge of the afterlife, as sometimes life feels too great to bear, but knowing that “many mansions” are being prepared for me, and only me. (John 14:2).

REFERENCES

1 Corinthians 15. (n.d.). Retrieved February 19, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/1-cor/15?lang=eng

John 14. (n.d.). Retrieved February 19, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/john/14?lang=eng

Marshall, F., Kennedy, K., Mendel, B., Shyamalan, M. N., Willis, B., Collette, T., Williams, O., … Buena Vista Home Entertainment (Firm),. (2000). The Sixth Sense.

Romans 3. (n.d.). Retrieved February 19, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/rom/3?lang=eng

The Plan of Salvation. (n.d.). Retrieved February 19, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/lesson-2-the-plan-of-salvation?lang=eng

Week Five. Lamentations (not the book in the Bible)

Today the focus will be on a poem by Arta Romney Baliff, called Lamentations. (Baliff, 1). In this poem, the author writes about how Eve may have felt when they left the garden and were commanded to have children and how she felt when she learned that one of her children had murdered the other. There is a great feeling of confusion over Eve as she had not known anyone that died yet, as they were the first people and also the first parents. Death was not a normal idea to her, and I truly felt that she was confused. Then, as a good mother would, she wanted to continue to care for Cain, even though he had been cast out. I felt the way she did every time I take my son to school. I want to keep him at home with me, and not let him go other places, in case something would harm him.

I know that in this life we experience many things. These experiences are tailored specifically to each of us, individually. God knows what will teach me what I need to learn. He also knows that those types of teachings may not be the right teachings to my husband or even my mother. All because I am me and they are themselves is why this is.

Week Four. “You’ve Got to Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative And Latch on to the Affirmative and Don’t Mess with Mister In-Between.” (Mercer)

This week’s discussion is on behaviors that negatively effect marriage. I am currently on my second marriage. My first marriage ended because my husband cared more about drugs than he did about me. He had a stronger desire to make himself feel better with the unnatural items than to work on life itself. He was sentenced to eleven years in prison where he passed away. Drugs are a major deterrent to a happy marriage.

Myself and my second husband are working to get to the Temple soon. He introduced me to the church and we are preparing to attend the temple to be sealed sometime in the near future. We tend to disagree often, and even criticize each other. In Gottman’s book, he would probably describe us as a Negative Sentiment Override Couple. (Werrbach,1). While we still love and care for each other, often we get into arguments and even bring our family members into the conversations. We are both first-born children, so we have strong wills, but I tend to be negative as my husband tends to be positive. This difference in opinions clashes often, but sometimes we do see things on a similar note and “meet in the middle” (Diamond Rio). We both grew up in the Southern United States and Country music was the normal tune type around there. This song brings up several good points.

“I’d start walking your way
You’d start walking mine
We’d meet in the middle
‘Neath that old Georgia pineWe’d gain a lot of ground
‘Cause we’d both give a little
And their ain’t no road to long
When you meet in the middle”

(Diamond Rio)

Another quote from teh song is “Babe I love the way we work it out
That’s what love’s about.” This entire tune shows that although life is difficult sometimes, when we listen to each other and work out our problems, things will improve. Myself and my husband love this song and are trying to take its meaning to heart each day.

REFERENCES

Mercer, J. (n.d.). Retrieved February 5, 2020, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3jdbFOidds

Rio, D. (n.d.). Retrieved February 5, 2020, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWKpCmPdGmM

Werrbach, M. (2016, December 12). 3 Ways to Keep Your Relationship in the Positive Perspective. Retrieved February 5, 2020, from https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-ways-to-keep-your-relationship-in-the-positive-perspective/

Week Three. The Post That Doesn’t End….

Blog week three! Who would have thought I could blog this much. Yes, I was thinking Shari Lewis on Lamb Chop with The Song That Doesn’t End when writing this post. (Lewis,1) Although this is a class assignment, I feel that I am beginning to enjoy posting my thoughts on marriage each week. This week is the topic of eternal marriage.

In each ceremony performed outside of a temple, the words, “until death do us part” is always included. Thus far, that is the only way I have been married. I plan on going to the temple with my husband, as a long-term goal. My husband was married in the temple once before and had the sealing cancelled to his first wife. He has since had to go through several steps to be able to return to the temple to be sealed. We hope that sometime soon we can finish our preparation to attend the temple.

The genogram project was unlike any “family tree” type project I have ever even thought of. Keeping track of who had children with whom, and who was married and who co-habited were all items that I had thought on, but never put on paper. I even learned that my mother had a sister, who was born before any of her other siblings, that she didn’t even know about, while doing the research for this project. She was always told that the person who was her sister was her uncle, although vital records proved that Frances was a female.

I also learned that it is important to track whom children are born to, because their parents may or may not always be alive. I have two uncles who actually are cousins, I learned in my research, although this “family secret” has yet to be fully verified. It is believed that my aunt birthed them both (them being twins) at a very young age, at which point they were taken over as children to her mother (my grandmother).

Many in my family have never married, and a few have married many times. Most have children with each major relationship, and tracking the validity of all my cousins was a bit of a challenge. My uncle has been in a cohabitation with a woman for over 20 years. When they got together, him and whom I refer to as my aunt, had two daughters from her previous relationship. Since they’ve been together, they have had a son and a daughter. No marriage has ever happened between them, yet they’ve been together for so long. In the belief system of the church, this may seem odd, but this is my family. I can see why common-law marriages were common in many states for quite some time now. My own father, when he went to marry my mother, was unable to do so due to a currently visible common-law marriage he had during a previous relationship.

I now have a greater understanding of the importance not only of marriage as a whole, but also eternal marriage. We may have disagreements in this life, but not being able to achieve the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom without first following the basic rule of being sealed to my spouse seems like a simple item God has asked me to do. (Maldonado, 1) To not be able to be “be gods” or “have an end” seem like limitations I do not want in the next life. I am proud of my husband for showing the church to me and me understanding this point of doctrine better.

REFERENCES

Lewis, S. (n.d.). Retrieved January 29, 2020, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ0KNI18Udc

Maldonado, B. R. (2005, April 1). Messages from the Doctrine and Covenants. Retrieved January 29, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2005/04/messages-from-the-doctrine-and-covenants-the-three-degrees-of-glory?lang=eng

Second Week. Strong Post.

Onward we go with the blogging. I’m enjoying doing this just a little bit as I get to do a type of journal online to share my thoughts and feelings. This week, the topic is mainly over a recent court case from 2014, Obergefell vs. Hodges. In this case, many same-sex couples explained that they were not allowed to have the same rights as opposite-sex couples, with the law. The people weren’t able to even list their spouses as spouses, as the states they resided in did not view their marriages, done in a state where same-sex marriages were legal, as valid, even on death certificates.

While I fully agree that marriage between a man and a woman is the way God originally planned for our lives to be, I also know many people who are of the same sex who have joined together in marriage since the changes happened throughout the country. My husband’s sister is married to a woman, and they have had a child together, with assistance of a sperm bank. Does this make them less of a person, even though they are not following the original commandments of God?

I do not think so. I feel that although God is the same yesterday, today and forever, that men and women change all the time. In our day and age, a person should not have extended rights over another and the way the government handled marriage before simply put those who did not follow the “original” law at a loss. My sister-in-law was unable to fully support her family, and unable to raise her son, alongside his “second mother”. So, the changes of the laws, although not fully in line with the way the original commandment was brought out, have made life simpler for those who need their lives to be that way.

On another note, this truly shows that the definition of “love” does not have to be allowed only by a married man and woman. Just as many same-sex couples are able to provide loving, caring homes, many opposite-sex couples also neglect and provide poor care for their children. The sex of the parents does not show any cause for alarm in the proper method of raising children.

What do you think? This is a touchy subject, but I also feel that God would not want to put those who have non-standard tendencies in a bad situation. Nor should those people have less opportunities in life.

References

 Obergefell v. Hodges (Links to an external site.), https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf (Links to an external site.)

First Post, Family First

So, this is my first official post on this blog. This blog will be my thoughts and impressions each week as I go through the learning patterns to make my family stronger. While this can generally be viewed as spiritual, everyone on earth has a family. Whether you go to church or not, you still have a mother and a father to start with. As we grow older, we have opportunities to create our own families.

One of the biggest challenges for couples today is that they choose to stay together or choose to stay apart. In this time, according to the State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012, we see that often, people choose to not marry, or to divorce, more often than choosing to stay together. As we choose to stay together, we need some guidelines to follow to help us become closer. In this process, question how to make our families stronger.

In a post from Gail Innes, from Michigan State University, on December 2, 2016, we learn the following:

“Researchers from the University of Nebraska conducted a study on the characteristics of strong families and they recognize six major qualities that strong families share. These common characteristics all contribute to family happiness and strength.

1. Commitment: They make their relationships a high priority. This is particularly important in co-parenting families. Reassure your children it is OK to love all of their parents and siblings; don’t make them feel guilty.
2. Appreciation: They let other family know, daily, they were appreciated. Teach and use appreciative language and gestures. Children learn from adult examples.
3. Communication: They talk to each other about big issues as well as small issues. Keep your communication positive, listen to all opinions and don’t forget to lighten the mood with laughter when tensions are running high.
4. Time together: They are deliberate about planning activities. Mealtime is a great place to start. Include family members in menu planning, shopping and food preparation.
5. Spiritual wellness: They believe in a greater power and have shared beliefs. Model acceptance and tolerance. Share your views about your beliefs and why they are important to you.
6. Crisis and stress: They are able to cope with difficulties and crises—they are resilient. Be mindful of how others in the family feel when things are stressful. Encourage family members to work together and share feelings when the going gets tough.

All of the strengths identified are connected and are not mutually exclusive. It is important to look at your current strengths and identify a plan to strengthen areas of weakness. You may want to consider taking a family strengths inventory that can assist you in making a road map for change in areas that appear weak. In his book “The Intentional Family,” family therapist William Doherty includes many family rituals you may want to include as you work to strengthen your family foundation.”

While this seems like a lot to handle, it gives us some pointers to start us in the right direction. We aren’t expected to implement each of these overnight, either. If we choose to work on one or two of these items per week, we will eventually get where we want.

REFERENCES

Innis, G. (2018, October 2). What makes a family strong? Retrieved January 14, 2020, from https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/what_makes_a_family_strong.

Ooms, T., & Hawkins, A. J. (2019, July 30). The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012. Retrieved January 14, 2020, from http://stateofourunions.org/2012/SOOU2012.php.

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